Me's Papa

I haven't posted for a while. We have been busy with sickness, church, and lots of other things. Probably the biggest thing though has been the death of my Grandpa Belnap. I have pondered alot about if I should post anything about this because it is very near and dear to me. We had known that he was probably going to die for awhile because he has had Alzheimer's disease for a long time, but things seemed to progress pretty quickly the last couple of months. Then about a week before he died he stopped eating and drinking. So this wasn't a sudden thing. I haven't had anyone die that was so close to me before so it has been a new experience for me. I had some neat things happen, but I have decided that I will keep my personal experiences to myself in my written journal, but I have a bunch of pictures and a few thoughts that I do want to share here for my family and friends to see. I got to make the display of pictures and some of the things that remind me of my grandpa for the viewing and the funeral. It was a good opportunity for me to remember my grandpa and the wonderful life that he lived.
My Grandparents lived through the field and then later next door to me until I went to collage. My grandparents teased me that I called my grandpa "Me's papa" when I was learning to talk and it stuck. They really have been a HUGE part of my life. I know that I am the person that I am today partly because of them and their great influence in my life. They are the sweetest kindest dearest people that I have ever known.
My grandpa had a wonderful sweet tender heart. He loved the simple things in life. He was a wonderful dancer and a beautiful singer/musician. He was a huge tease too! He always had a story or a rhyme or a huge squeeze for me. He would come up to me almost every time he saw me and whisper to me "Ya wanna know something?" I would know what was coming but I would ask "What?" anyway and he would say " I kinda like you." And I would say "I kinda like you too Grandpa." Probably every one of his grandkids felt this way but I know I was his favorite! hee hee He was such a wonderful man!! He had a strong testimony of he gospel and the temple. He was so jolly and giggly and had an infectious smile!
But his example to me of endurance is the thing that sticks out to me the most.
Because of his disease my grandpa lost alot of the things that he loved. He slowly lost all sorts of things that he loved to do. He couldn't go hunting or fishing anymore, he wasn't able to write or build things anymore, no more driving or going on walks anymore. And then things got worse to where he couldn't speak or remember things. He had to stop going to the temple and then finally to church. I remember seeing him being so frustrated with himself and not being able to say what he wanted to say. It was a heartbreak for me to see him struggle with that. I used to go and just hold his hand in silence and I knew that he knew it was me. He would give me that little squeeze and I knew that he loved me.
It was hard BUT can I tell you that the things that were so near and dear to him he got to keep!! He could still sing. My grandma would have him hum a hymn to me on the phone or when I came to visit and he still could hum the tenor part to most of the hymns. He also LOVED my grandma. He used to tell me alot that she was the best decision that he had ever made. And even though he couldn't talk he still showed everyone that he loved her. He was patient and kind to her and he never as far I saw said harsh things to her. AND there was not a day go by until about 3 weeks ago that he didn't sit and read the Book of Mormon. Even when I am positive that he couldn't read or understand the words he still sat in front of that large copy with a ruler in hand to keep his place. He also could pray. Right up to the end I still got to hear some simple, quiet, humble prayers from him!! Really he was a miracle! And what a great example. He to me is the epitome of enduring to the end in righteousness. I will miss him alot, but the things that he left me with will stay with me forever; his love and his example. And I will see him again. I know it!! I love you me's papa!

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Yes somehow a crayon got into the dryer. And it was dandelion yellow to boot!! And this wasn't a small batch of clothes either--it was one of those ones that you probably should have done in two but to save time you just cram a little more in. AND it was mostly ALL of my kiddos clothes ya know the pastel ones!! -Needless to say I spent the rest of the day trying things to get it out. I tired the warm iron and paper towels, spot remover, purex, oxiclean, vinegar, tide, soaked overnight and in hot water, and even some suggested using hand sanitizer. Some of the things look ok but mostly they still have it on them. So if you have any suggestions let me know other wise my kids will either be yellow spotted or be naked until spring when I can buy a new wardrobe!

The Feast

Well I am super super duper full!! That is spiritually full!! Wasn't General Conference awesome! I know that I probably say this after every conference but I just think that THAT one was the best one I have ever heard. It is probably because I am getting older and the messages just really hit home or maybe now I listen more intently than I used to. The session that sticks out in mind is the Sunday morning session! Especially Elder Hollands talk on the atonement. There seems to be a talk that sticks out to me more then the rest and that was the one for me. Then Present Monson's talk was right after and then the choirs song and pictures of our dear prophet! It was especially weepy for me and I noticed the others by me were as well. hee hee (you know who you are). I love this time of year, especially the Easter season, to reflect on the Saviors life, mission, and atonement, To celebrate life and rebirth.

I also had the opportunity this year to go to the Young Women's Broadcast last Saturday! It has been a super long time since I have been to that--I don't know if I even went as a youth. What a neat experience it was. I knew before that the attendance for our ward would be super low because there were alot of people out of town, so I was temped to just stay home as well, but I know all to well that when I feel that way is when I need to go the most. So I called Shari and we went together and were the loners of our ward. But I felt super glad that I went and that Shari came with me.
The broadcast was really neat. They talked alot about the new value virtue and how important it was in preparing you for the temple and for your future. The YW President, Sister Dalton shared an experience that really struck me. Some of you may have seen this broadcast and I know I don't remember it perfectly but this was what I got from it. She said that when she was a young women they were asked to pick a symbol that would represent their life's purpose or goal if you will. Sister Dalton picked a white rose, because a rose was always becoming more beautiful and white because it was pure and clean. I wondered what I would pick for my symbol or what my young woman today would pick. She went on to talk about virtue and the importance of goals. At the end of her talk she told us that while she was leaving the office of President Monson after he had just called her to be the new young womens general president, he stopped her and pulled a white rose out of one of the boquets that was in his office and gave it to her. How could President Monson have known that this was the symbol that she had chosen as a youth? This simple gesture that would hold such meaning to her? She said that she took it home and looked at it everyday a symbol to her own virtuous life.
It was such a sweet experience for me as I thought about how the Lord truly truly prepares us and really care and loves and watches each and every individual. That even as a young girl doing a simple thing as a youth, could be preparing her to later be a leader to millions of young woman who need to have a stronger testimony of virtue, of the temple and of our Savior Jesus Christ. I thought of how President Monson's life is full of stories like these, that he is so in tune to the spirit he lives directed by it every minute of every day. That the Lord loved Sister Dalton enough to have that florist put white roses into the prophets office that he could be prompted to give her one to prompt her to reflect on this principle so that she would teach it to the young women of the world. Is anyone still following this? I am just in awe at the mercy and love of the Lord. I am so grateful to be apart of HIS gospel because it really is His, he directs it and leads it and I know that if I will just let him He will lead and direct me too.